The Freedom of Decision: A Year of Meditation (Week 32)

This week, life entered a new phase as my foot injury healed and I confronted my PhD direction in meditation. My long-standing indecision suddenly lifted—making a decision, I realized, is its own form of freedom. While possibilities bring hope, life truly unfolds only after commitment.

Meditation helped me see the thread connecting my life experiences: mindfulness, compassion, social-emotional learning. These weren't random fragments but parts of a coherent whole. The PhD application became more than an academic task—it was about weaving thirty years of life into a meaningful story.

I reconnected with a childhood wish born in a classroom witnessing injustice: "If I become a teacher, I'll do what's right." After many detours, that original aspiration remains, reminding me that true fulfillment comes from aligning with my soul's deepest longings.

Though busyness tested me—late nights, fatigue, mental overload—meditation remained precious. Directing attention to tension in my chest and throat brought instant relief, revealing the healing power of attention itself as a potential research direction.

I've grown to appreciate this "unusual period." People often remember not stable times but those when they were pushed beyond limits. The hardest chapters often become life's most authentic and abundant ones.

Meditation showed me how the world changes with the mind. The same street feels different in different states. Too tired to care about appearance, I liked the person in the mirror—someone doing what she loves. Outer reality reflects our inner world.

Ultimately, love sustains everything. As Steve Jobs said, "You've got to find what you love." The pressure, research, and persistence carry me forward because they align with inner love—an unblocked pipeline where energy flows freely, shaping the life I envision.

This week, meditation eased application anxiety while clarifying life's direction: decisions bring freedom, threads connect fragments, wishes guide the way, and love sustains it all.